An Un-Sound Theory

As I was being levelled by a combination of brownies and beer, Daft Punk turned shades darker. Their good vibes pyramid became a mangling drill, and for about 5 minutes the beats and sounds were dark and horrifying. People fucking loved it. I fucking loved it. But I, like them, loved it ecstatically, not angrily. It was bliss listening to dark, distorted beats.

Which led me to this new revelation. In 5 years time, gabber and hardcore will be the new pop music. I'm not talking about top 40 shit yet, (thats 7 years, and only in Japan) but the "hip" music, the kind of pop music that the landed upper class claim to "get", yet the peasant masses probably dance much better to. For instance instead of your semi-hip older brother putting Peter Bjorn and John on a mix CD, you'd probably get a bunch of Hellz Army and Three Da Hard Way.

Why is this going to happen? Because folks are being grown up to handle more, not less. It is for this reason that Happy Hardcore will not be "the next shit" (thank fuck). No, it will definitely be that shit that sounds like Steven Hawking being kicked in the face over and over again at 190 BPM.

We're not there yet, but there is a few signs. Justice is getting pretty big off of distorting basically everything about dance music. Literal distortion, the sound of interference at high volumes, not a wanky music writer's metaphor. Sure, 'D.A.N.C.E.' is a pretty clean track, but 'Waters of Nazareth' is just fucking nasty. Also, say what you will about Bjork and her "art", but its hard to argue that she does not consistently break new ground. Her new album wraps up with "Declare Independence", a track that is about 20 bpm away from being a slow DJ Skinhead track.

After Hardcore techno becomes the next "hip" music, it will inevitably have its flash near the top of the charts. Think about it, its going to happen sometime, as the world has not had a harcore track infect its top ten to date (La Bouche notwithstanding). Personally I'm looking forward to seeing "Upside Down Cunt (Herpes Version A)" by Omar Santana and DJ Skinhead cracking the top ten, securing its place on one of those horrid re-heated 'Now! Thats What I Call Music' compilations.



...Ten minutes after writing this...I realized that gabber and hardcore music is patently stupid and full of gay-ass imagery and created by a bunch of dutch dickheads.

the only exceptions are the song "Pull the trigger" by 3 Da Hard Way and The Hellfish and DJ Producer album 'Bastard Sonz of Rave'

Why did I post this, you ask? Because I still hope it happens, and I am really fucking up on getting new content up here.