Something happened this weekend. The nutbars huffed EXTRA gas/crack/fluorescent lightbulbs before calling me this weekend....
Call 1: "Work at a big record company? You gotta be kidding me." That was it, the entirety of the message.
Call 2: Hyper white guy, calling from "The View". Nothing out of the ordinary there.
Call 3: Another rapper, from 20 minutes outside of Detroit. Informed me that he "was the next to blow, do it real big". He also said he needed rap because he cant get a normal job due to some misdemeanors on his record.
Call 4: Guy from Call 3 rapping some generic sounding shit. I remember hearing the word "chrome".
Calls 5,6: A strange sounding guy who was calling to inquire why some unsigned pedophilie rapper (I couldn't hear his name) didn't have a deal because he had sold more than 2 million records online, by word of mouth. Apparently this "MC SuchAndSuch" went down to New Orleans with his harem of school girls to meet his 10 yr. old Pen pal, a Hurricane Katrina survivor, only to find the 10 year old raped and murdered. Naturally, the phantom MC caught some revenge by finding the perpetrators, raping them back, and then killing them. To the guy on the message, this rapper should have a deal, because he has an even better angle than R. Kelly in the "gross shit" department.
Man...this guy needed to elaborate MUCH more if he wanted to match the heroic craziness of Mr. Steves, a legend on my answering machine.
Call 7: An extremely manic women who said a lot of words, but I understood about 6 of them. She would switch accents mid-word, and it was disturbing. She went from high pitched white girl to Asian to English to Australian to southern finally coming to rest at English. Apparently she's really into her ancestors, visiting graves, we owe her a few million, and her father is a dreamer while she is a do-er. She didn't leave her number. Just called, babbled, said "like" 22 times in 40 seconds, and hung up.
Man, I'm going to miss this madness.