"I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night your honor..."
-Fletcher Reed
Ok, it wasn't last night but it wasn't good. It involved a large flap of skin that remained hidden to me until the zero hour, a lot of hair, some thanksgiving leftovers, and a stoned roommate who couldn't properly decipher my 2:30 am text message.
TEXT TO ROOMMATE: Dude call me and say that you are locked out.
RETURN PHONE CALL FROM ROOMMATE: Hey man, I'm inside, I don't know what you are talking about.
ME (in close proximity to bad sexual episode in question): Aww man that sucks, and you don't have a spare??
ROOMMATE: What? Dude I am here right now, I don't need a key, I am inside.
ME: Shit and [Polish Neighbor!] isn't home? Did you call the landlord?
ROOMMATE: Dude, man, I am INSIDE!! I'M IN THE KITCHEN OF OUR HOUSE!!!
ME: So you are telling me I need to come home and let you in?
ROOMMATE: Uhhh, oh my God, what is going on?
ME: Sit tight, I will be home in a little while.
*After we hang up, roommate sends me a camera phone picture of our door to let me know he was inside....good god.
She didn't let me leave though. I had to fight my way out, with my penis.
I finally made it home at about 4. It was, like I said, not good.
"Well you're still young, it will happen more and more"
-Judge Stevens
yeah...
I don't know if you need to know any more. I tell this in the hopes that you can get some enjoyment from my pain.
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1 comment:
Dude that's fucking disgusting. As always, I'm somewhat jealous of your predicament. But that sounds like one of the episodes that makes you question one night stands and why there is any reason not to eat only fast food, drink scotch for breakfast, and smoke all the cigarettes that fit in your mouth at once. If those types of encounters are the norm, live hard man.
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