All My Friends - Pt. 2 - Ogre

Ogre is an evil bastard.

When I met Ogre he was running around this party talking about how "hamboned" he was. He was making everyone do shots of 99 bananas until he took out the CD that was playing to show everyone his favorite Third Eye Blind songs. He would demand that everyone in the room listen while he skipped from track to track, never playing a whole song , "no, no dude, you have to hear the words on this. this is epic!" So he made everyone be all quiet and it totally got so awkward that everyone started leaving.

Another time he visited me in New York. We were on the subway and he started talking in this really loud voice. The train was packed and he was talking and laughing about how cool it was that New York was so diverse, he was like, "Man, there's not this many Mexicans in Wisconsin, do you think they are all here illegally? Do you think they know my roofer? Miguel and I were friends because one time I was all, 'me gusta la chicas', and then he was all, 'si!' It was fun talking Spanish with him I only took one semester but yeah, basically, I'm friends with Mexicans."

He also once gave me the worst birthday present ever He was all giggling and happy giving me this envelope, so I thought it would be something cool, like tickets to a Chicago cover band called "Gary", or a gift certificate to Chili's or something else sweet like that, but it was actually tickets to go to this thing called "Living and Loving the Light with Jesus". He was all psyched because it was this like 3 day seminar with a shitload of christian rap-metal bands and guest speakers and a ceremony where you bring your girlfriend and they bless you and make you be celibate for the rest of your life. I tried to be gracious and accept the gift as he was all, "I'm so stoked that you are finally ready to accept Jesus with me, brosef!"

Then he bought a visor, turned it around, put it on upside down, and high-fived me.